MLP: My Life is Pain
by Cam275YT
Summary: What happens when you suddenly wake up in the middle of a dark, scary forest, then proceed to meet talking ponies and unicorns and pegasi in a world where nature doesn't control itself, physics doesn't seem to apply at all, and magic is the heart of everything... My God, my brain hurts just remembering it. Note: Rated T for some language. You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1 - Where Am I?

Author's Note:

As of February 21, 2016, this chapter has been updated. You should probably reread if you want to understand this story's later events.

Enjoi!

* * *

Zzz...

*rustle rustle*

*snorts* "Huh?" I gasp, bolting awake. "Wha... where am I?"

I clamber to my feet in the darkness. Since there's next to no light, I pull out my phone and open up the Flashlight app.

I'm surrounded by trees. Lots of trees. I wonder how I got here in the first place. The last thing I remember was going to bed.

I decide that I should try to get out of this densely wooded area before...

Hooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwlllll...

"Holy shit!" I curse, immediately turning around and making a break for it. I don't care which direction I'm going, even if it's deeper into the forest, so long as I GTFO of here!

I dash and weave through the trees, not daring to look behind me. I then realize I'm not the only one that's panting.

The trees start to thin out. I also see dim moonlight some 50 meters ahead of me.

My body begins to fail me, just as I close in on the exit. My vision flickers and blurs, but I push my body: harder, harder... harder...

Finally, I burst from the forest into a sudden plain lit by moonlight. I try to keep going, but that's when my body then proceeds to completely collapse.

I hit the surprisingly soft grass with a dull *thud*. As my consciousness fades, I hear the soft *clop* of hooves on the soft grass. Then, I black out from exhaustion.

In retrospect, I should've worked out more.

* * *

I come to, laying in a warm, soft bed, staring at an expanse of white. I sit up in the bed, and wince at the sudden pain in my general lung area and legs.

The walls are white, as well. I also spot my glasses on a bedside table next to a curtain divider thing. Wait, am I seriously in a hospital? Well, shit. At least that means I found civilization. I slip my glasses on my face. "What happened? Where am I?"

"Oh! You're awake!" a female voice sounds outside of the door in front of me. If anyone had told me what I was about to see, I would've laughed in his/her face and then promptly sent him/her to a mental asylum.

A pony with white fur, a pink mane in a bun-like form, and a nurse's hat came clopping into the room. Okay, who the fuck was playing dress up with their pony? Hell, who even _has_ a pony?

I also notice a tattoo of a red cross on the mare's flank. Right. I'm calling PETA for this. This is just inhumane.

"You've been asleep for quite some time."

What. The actual. Literal. Fuck.

That thing did _not_ just talk. It has to be some sort of illusion.

I hop out of the bed quickly. "Uhh, okay! Well, um, I have, uhh, somewhere to be!" I stammer. I then swiftly dash out of the room. "Wait! You have to sign out first!" the pony yells out after me.

I find myself in a hallway that goes either 90° right or 90° left. I choose to run down the left path. I am again faced with the same situation, although this time, I take a right.

After running down that hall, I reach the main lobby. Luckily, it seems basically empty, so I make for the door to my left.

I walk outside to find myself face-to-face with a pink pony with a darker pink, bouncy mane and light blue eyes.

She immediately jumps into the air, gasps exaggeratedly, and dashes off, leaving a cloud in her wake.

Only one word. "Dafuq?"

* * *

Author's Note:

Okay, so I have finally began documenting this guy's adventures throughout Equestria! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, as I had finally figured out how to mod Terraria, and spent a shitload of time playing it.

To all of my reviewers: Thanks so much for all of the support! I'm talking to you DJ Bron3! You too, FlamingFoxNinja!  
Anyways, that's all for now! Leave your comments and tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2 - A Giant Castle?

Author's Note:  
I forgot to say that I take a LOT of inspiration from Terran34 and his fic, Tales of the Oppressed. If you haven't already, check it out! It's AWESOME!

s/10153384/1/Tales-of-the-Oppressed

Anyways, as always, enjoi!

"O… kay…" I say, completely confused. I don't know what all THAT was about. It might've just been the fact that I'm an abnormal creature that these… things… have never seen before.

Then again, it might've just been my looks. Trust me when I say that I have been scaring away the ladies since the beginning of my life.

My medium-length blond hair nearly covered up my grayish-blue eyes, which hid behind simple gray glasses. My skin was the whitish color of a raw chicken. I know, gross, right? Now you're probably picturing a chicken being put in an oven on Thanksgiving. Heh.

I wasn't really a muscle-y guy; kinda scrawny, as a matter of fact. I chose to hide my skinny body behind a black hoodie and dark denims. Underneath my hoodie was a plain blue T-shirt. I like to think I strive for simplicity.

Anyway, I really didn't want to run into any more of those… ponies? Yeah, I can't think of any word to better describe them, so I'll just call them ponies.

Speaking of, this place looks oddly deserted. Where the hell is everyone? I then decide to take inventory of my surroundings.

… … … … …

-Am I back in time?- I wonder, completely befuddled. All of these houses have fucking straw roofs! Jeez, these ponies better hope the Big Bad Wolf doesn't decide to sneeze. I chuckle a little at the joke, despite my situation.

Wait a goddamn second; what the hell is THAT?!

Rising from the thatched-roof houses was a GIANT MOTHERFUCKING CRYSTAL CASTLE! Okay, maybe I have been somehow transported back in time. A castle? Seriously? What's next; a pony trapped in the tallest tower, lowering her long flowing mane for me to climb? Heh heh heh.

I decide that I should go and see this odd castle, as it's my best bet at figuring out where the hell I am, how I got here, and how I get home. I start walking over to the castle.

When I get there, I see that the door just barely comes up above my head. I proceed to knock on the door, hoping to get someone's attention.

*knock knock knock*

"Hello? Anybody home?" I yell out. I am surprised when the door swings slowly outward to reveal a large room completely shrouded in darkness.

Choosing to ignore the horror movie clichés, I enter the castle, only to have the door slam shut behind me, seemingly of its own accord.

"Great. Just fucking great," I mutter to myself, looking around at the total darkness.

I then hear something rustle in the blackness. Wait a second: seemingly empty house, total darkness, odd rustling…. That could only mean….

"SURPRISE!"

Well, shit.

Author's Note:

Wassup, everypony? I hoped you all liked this chapter! It seems the main character is in for a big… surprise. :D

Side Note: Yes, this is a self-insert HiE fanfic. I know how common those are, so sue me.

Anyway, leave all of your comments below and tell me your opinions! Also, don't forget to follow and favorite to keep track of the latest updates!

See ya!


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